A life in which I feel valuable – and everyone else can feel valuable.
Many situations make this possible. The Ukrainian soldier feels this feeling during national defense just as much as the German surgeon who helps seriously injured soldiers flown out from Ukraine to treat their wounds. Often we cannot choose the situations, for most Ukrainians the war was infinitely far away and the young men – among them many fathers – had completely different activities in which they could feel valuable.
I am grateful to be able to feel valuable outside of such extreme situations. My challenge is rather to find the right balance between and within the different roles (as a professional, as a father, as a citizen…).
I find good guidance in the „Theory of Well-Being“ by Martin Seligman, the founder of positive psychology. According to this theory, the goal of a successful life would be increasing flourishing through the reinforcement of positive feelings, commitment, meaning, positive relationships and success. After all, these five elements are essential to individual well-being.
And how does one do that? For Martin Seligman, the easiest way is to know one’s strengths (for example, through the Strengths Finder of his Institute at the University of Pennsylvania) and consciously use them. For a more in-depth look, I recommend Seligman’s book „Flourish: A Visionary New Understanding of Happiness and Well-being„.
I experience impressively how important friends are for personal well-being through my son’s answers: unforgettable his words in 2021 as a four-year-old to our question which vacation he liked best last year „The ship trip, because there I had a friend.“ If you are looking for impressive evidence of the importance of positive relationships/friendships, I recommend Robert Waldinger’s Ted Talk for his research findings.